Tonight I had my second leaving do in the last 3 days.
Tonight's meal had twice the number of people in attendance but it was also twice as much money for half as much food, which is a big consideration when you're unemployed. That Copper Beech place we went to on Wednesday, the dinners were huge, and even with drinks you still got change out of a tenner. The mince and dumplings I had could have fed a village, and the parmos were so big you could have used them as liferafts in the event of a flood.
But for all the cheapness on Wednesday, the food was still excellent. Also, I understood the menu. I knew what every dish was. Parmo, check. Mince and Dumplings, check, Fish and Chips, check. I had a pretty good idea in my head what each of those things might look like, and when they got delivered to the table, I had no trouble telling them apart. And neither did the waiter.
The restaurant tonight was a lot posher than the Copper Beech, but it was one of those places where they build stuff out of your food. Dan Footy's dessert looked like a scale model of the Black Pearl out of Pirates of the Caribbean, and as for me, I got served a stack of something that looked like a replica of the paperwork I used to batch. It even had orange case separators made out of carrot. The veg was advertised as being hot pot potato, but it looked more like potato that had been hit with a hammer, mixed with some carrot and then assembled into a square in one of those car crushers.
I didn't have chips, and I was glad I didn't, but some other people did and they were those big chips that you got about ten of and that you could have started a game of Jenga with. If I'm going to order chips, I want them to look like chips, not building blocks. I'm not a child, I haven't played with blocks and bricks and that type of shit since I was about 9. I just don't get what the appeal of this kind of food is.
The choice of food on offer played havoc with poor old Deano. He'll only eat traditional British meals, so he ordered sausage and mash which you would think would be a safe bet, but they'd even tried to cut the sausages in half and build something out of that. And instead of good old Bisto on it, it had some sort of black sauce, and they couldn't just slip him a wadge of mash, they had to mix it with some green stuff so it ended up being the colour of mint chocolate chip ice cream. For God's sake, just give us food we understand!
Not only could we not tell what the meals were, neither could the staff. Nothing looked like you thought it would, and it took about 10 minutes of swapsies before we got the right dinners.
Also, the gap between the courses was really long, and I think at least some of this was probably because of all the time it took to assemble the stuff out the back. I've put IKEA bookcases together in less time than it took to fetch our desserts.
It was £13.95 for two courses tonight, plus drinks, so £15 each near enough whereas on Wednesday I was almost embarrassed to walk away after only paying £8.40 for what I had. Not only embarrassed, I could only just get out of there under my own steam. I nearly had to put my stomach in a wheelbarrow to get it out to the car, it was so full.
Maybe there are some people out there who want to pay extra to have their dinners made to look like stuff you might find in a 3 year old's bedroom, but I'm not one of them. Just give me a proper dinner, that looks like a dinner please, and not one that looks like a Lego house.
Thank you. Rant over. Now I'm off to make some toast.
Tonight's meal had twice the number of people in attendance but it was also twice as much money for half as much food, which is a big consideration when you're unemployed. That Copper Beech place we went to on Wednesday, the dinners were huge, and even with drinks you still got change out of a tenner. The mince and dumplings I had could have fed a village, and the parmos were so big you could have used them as liferafts in the event of a flood.
But for all the cheapness on Wednesday, the food was still excellent. Also, I understood the menu. I knew what every dish was. Parmo, check. Mince and Dumplings, check, Fish and Chips, check. I had a pretty good idea in my head what each of those things might look like, and when they got delivered to the table, I had no trouble telling them apart. And neither did the waiter.
The restaurant tonight was a lot posher than the Copper Beech, but it was one of those places where they build stuff out of your food. Dan Footy's dessert looked like a scale model of the Black Pearl out of Pirates of the Caribbean, and as for me, I got served a stack of something that looked like a replica of the paperwork I used to batch. It even had orange case separators made out of carrot. The veg was advertised as being hot pot potato, but it looked more like potato that had been hit with a hammer, mixed with some carrot and then assembled into a square in one of those car crushers.
I didn't have chips, and I was glad I didn't, but some other people did and they were those big chips that you got about ten of and that you could have started a game of Jenga with. If I'm going to order chips, I want them to look like chips, not building blocks. I'm not a child, I haven't played with blocks and bricks and that type of shit since I was about 9. I just don't get what the appeal of this kind of food is.
The choice of food on offer played havoc with poor old Deano. He'll only eat traditional British meals, so he ordered sausage and mash which you would think would be a safe bet, but they'd even tried to cut the sausages in half and build something out of that. And instead of good old Bisto on it, it had some sort of black sauce, and they couldn't just slip him a wadge of mash, they had to mix it with some green stuff so it ended up being the colour of mint chocolate chip ice cream. For God's sake, just give us food we understand!
Not only could we not tell what the meals were, neither could the staff. Nothing looked like you thought it would, and it took about 10 minutes of swapsies before we got the right dinners.
Also, the gap between the courses was really long, and I think at least some of this was probably because of all the time it took to assemble the stuff out the back. I've put IKEA bookcases together in less time than it took to fetch our desserts.
It was £13.95 for two courses tonight, plus drinks, so £15 each near enough whereas on Wednesday I was almost embarrassed to walk away after only paying £8.40 for what I had. Not only embarrassed, I could only just get out of there under my own steam. I nearly had to put my stomach in a wheelbarrow to get it out to the car, it was so full.
Maybe there are some people out there who want to pay extra to have their dinners made to look like stuff you might find in a 3 year old's bedroom, but I'm not one of them. Just give me a proper dinner, that looks like a dinner please, and not one that looks like a Lego house.
Thank you. Rant over. Now I'm off to make some toast.
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