I went to Leeds on Sunday (from Darlington). By bus and by train. Car would have been quicker but public transport has more nutters.
There are many, many things I don't understand in life, and here are two new ones:
1) Why do people eat so much on trains,
2) Why do able-bodied people take incredibly short bus journeys?
I caught the 0950 train from Darlington, which arrived in Leeds at 1055. A journey of just over an hour. There was a family sat near me, all smartly dressed, looked like they were heading to a christening or some other family event, the women and girls were in dresses, the boys in smart shirts and trousers. There were about nine of them, and between them they had about 16 Sainsbury's carriers.
The train hadn't even pulled out of Darlington, and 2 litre bottles of pop and family packs of Doritos and sandwiches and biscuits and cakes and just about everything else that Sainsbury's sells were piling out of the carriers and into their faces. It was like one of those American eating competitions where, for example, someone has to eat 50 pickled eggs in a minute. As for me, I'd had breakfast at home, and I was having lunch at my mum's. I wasn't going to starve or die of dehydration during a 1 hour train journey. A variation on this is when people on the York train have to sink 5 cans of lager each on a 45 minute journey to York when they're going to be drinking all day when they get there.
But people stuffing themselves stupid on trains wasn't even close to being the dumbest thing I saw on my trip to Leeds. That honour was reserved for the phenomenon of the pointlessly short bus journey.
It started in the centre of Leeds. A Russian man got on the bus, and asked the driver to take him to the bus station. It's just there, the driver said, and pointed out the window at the bus station less than 100 metres away. Just walk. In mangled English the Russian man then explained that he wanted to catch the bus. But it's just there! the driver repeated. 'How much is it?', asked the Russian.
It isn't anything, said the driver. Journeys that short, I don't even have a fare for that, just walk! Rather than actually start his shift by throwing a Russian off a bus, he did in fact take him on the 30 second journey to the bus station, and let him ride the bus for free.
About 5 minutes later I saw a guy running alongside the bus with his arm out, with a young girl on a micro-scooter scooting along beside him. He looked like the most desperate man to get on a bus since Keanu Reeves in Speed. And so the bus stopped for him, and then they got off at the next stop! If he'd carried on running he would have been there as quick as the bus.
That wasn't even the end of it. When I got to Garforth three young lads with skateboards and those big cans of Monster energy drink were waiting at the bus stop on Ninelands Lane. They got on and went upstairs on the bus, but no sooner had they sat down, then they were back down the stairs to get off at the skate park, which was the next stop.
Speaking for myself, I was always pretty shit on a skateboard, but my recollection is that riding one was a lot more strenuous than a 100 yard walk. And these lads were about to go jumping on and off half-pipes and probably breaking their ankles, and yet they couldn't actually walk to the skate park.
When I was their age, I used to walk over 2 miles to school every day, just to save the 15 pence bus fare, so I could spend it on sweets, and when I was older, to put it towards pints of beer.
Another Sunday when I was waiting at the bus stop near my mum's to catch a bus into Leeds, there were two young lads waiting with me at the bus stop. We seemed to be waiting ages for the bus, but it probably seemed like longer because the two of them were noisily discussing an app they were playing with on their phones, where you had to create a plague or virus and let it loose on the world, and the more people you killed, the higher the score. I can't even begin to describe how dull the conversation was.
The only interruption to their game was when one of their phones kept ringing, they were obviously getting calls from another friend asking what time they would be home. They kept saying to the friend 'We're just waiting to get the bus back down our end'. My mum lives at the top of a hill in a place called Kippax, and some of Kippax is at the bottom of the same hill. In bus stop terms, it's about 3 stops away. It turns out that's where 'their end' was, because that's where they got off. So, they waited around 20 minutes, during which they managed to annihilate the entire planet with a virus, and then they went 3 stops on a bus to get home, which took less than a minute. That hill's so steep you could roll down it in less than 5. In fact, you'd be so gravity assisted going down there you probably wouldn't even burn a single calorie, it's almost steep enough to abseil down. And the phone calls they'd been having with their friend, if the friend had opened his window, they were so close they could have shouted to each other instead. Unbelievable!
I actually walk places for fun. A few weeks ago I walked the 3 miles each way to work, just to see how long it would take me. Sometimes in the evening if I haven't been out all day, I just go off for a pointless wander, just to feel the fresh air, and to maybe notice things like trees and flowers, and the design of houses. Admittedly this has become more hazardous lately, because there's bloody conkers everywhere, and one of these days, I'm gonna turn my ankle, but hey ho.
There is a bus stop at the end of my road where I could catch a bus into Darlington if I wanted. But it's less than a mile. Why would I bother? I haven't even checked the bus times.
I just don't get it! Do you?
Update - July 2014
Six months after writing this, I ended up moving to Leeds. It wasn't just to avoid having to spend so much time on buses and trains but it could have been! The six months between writing this and moving I pretty much walked to work every day. 3 miles each way. I lived in Darlington for 11 months in total, and I never caught a bus once during my time there. I used to catch trains a lot but that was because I had to travel long distances, that were beyond walking, and I was off cycling at the time. I do occasionally catch buses now I live in Leeds, but it has to be for a minimum of 2 miles. And even then I feel I'm being lazy.
There are many, many things I don't understand in life, and here are two new ones:
1) Why do people eat so much on trains,
2) Why do able-bodied people take incredibly short bus journeys?
I caught the 0950 train from Darlington, which arrived in Leeds at 1055. A journey of just over an hour. There was a family sat near me, all smartly dressed, looked like they were heading to a christening or some other family event, the women and girls were in dresses, the boys in smart shirts and trousers. There were about nine of them, and between them they had about 16 Sainsbury's carriers.
The train hadn't even pulled out of Darlington, and 2 litre bottles of pop and family packs of Doritos and sandwiches and biscuits and cakes and just about everything else that Sainsbury's sells were piling out of the carriers and into their faces. It was like one of those American eating competitions where, for example, someone has to eat 50 pickled eggs in a minute. As for me, I'd had breakfast at home, and I was having lunch at my mum's. I wasn't going to starve or die of dehydration during a 1 hour train journey. A variation on this is when people on the York train have to sink 5 cans of lager each on a 45 minute journey to York when they're going to be drinking all day when they get there.
But people stuffing themselves stupid on trains wasn't even close to being the dumbest thing I saw on my trip to Leeds. That honour was reserved for the phenomenon of the pointlessly short bus journey.
It started in the centre of Leeds. A Russian man got on the bus, and asked the driver to take him to the bus station. It's just there, the driver said, and pointed out the window at the bus station less than 100 metres away. Just walk. In mangled English the Russian man then explained that he wanted to catch the bus. But it's just there! the driver repeated. 'How much is it?', asked the Russian.
It isn't anything, said the driver. Journeys that short, I don't even have a fare for that, just walk! Rather than actually start his shift by throwing a Russian off a bus, he did in fact take him on the 30 second journey to the bus station, and let him ride the bus for free.
About 5 minutes later I saw a guy running alongside the bus with his arm out, with a young girl on a micro-scooter scooting along beside him. He looked like the most desperate man to get on a bus since Keanu Reeves in Speed. And so the bus stopped for him, and then they got off at the next stop! If he'd carried on running he would have been there as quick as the bus.
That wasn't even the end of it. When I got to Garforth three young lads with skateboards and those big cans of Monster energy drink were waiting at the bus stop on Ninelands Lane. They got on and went upstairs on the bus, but no sooner had they sat down, then they were back down the stairs to get off at the skate park, which was the next stop.
Speaking for myself, I was always pretty shit on a skateboard, but my recollection is that riding one was a lot more strenuous than a 100 yard walk. And these lads were about to go jumping on and off half-pipes and probably breaking their ankles, and yet they couldn't actually walk to the skate park.
When I was their age, I used to walk over 2 miles to school every day, just to save the 15 pence bus fare, so I could spend it on sweets, and when I was older, to put it towards pints of beer.
Another Sunday when I was waiting at the bus stop near my mum's to catch a bus into Leeds, there were two young lads waiting with me at the bus stop. We seemed to be waiting ages for the bus, but it probably seemed like longer because the two of them were noisily discussing an app they were playing with on their phones, where you had to create a plague or virus and let it loose on the world, and the more people you killed, the higher the score. I can't even begin to describe how dull the conversation was.
The only interruption to their game was when one of their phones kept ringing, they were obviously getting calls from another friend asking what time they would be home. They kept saying to the friend 'We're just waiting to get the bus back down our end'. My mum lives at the top of a hill in a place called Kippax, and some of Kippax is at the bottom of the same hill. In bus stop terms, it's about 3 stops away. It turns out that's where 'their end' was, because that's where they got off. So, they waited around 20 minutes, during which they managed to annihilate the entire planet with a virus, and then they went 3 stops on a bus to get home, which took less than a minute. That hill's so steep you could roll down it in less than 5. In fact, you'd be so gravity assisted going down there you probably wouldn't even burn a single calorie, it's almost steep enough to abseil down. And the phone calls they'd been having with their friend, if the friend had opened his window, they were so close they could have shouted to each other instead. Unbelievable!
I actually walk places for fun. A few weeks ago I walked the 3 miles each way to work, just to see how long it would take me. Sometimes in the evening if I haven't been out all day, I just go off for a pointless wander, just to feel the fresh air, and to maybe notice things like trees and flowers, and the design of houses. Admittedly this has become more hazardous lately, because there's bloody conkers everywhere, and one of these days, I'm gonna turn my ankle, but hey ho.
There is a bus stop at the end of my road where I could catch a bus into Darlington if I wanted. But it's less than a mile. Why would I bother? I haven't even checked the bus times.
I just don't get it! Do you?
Update - July 2014
Six months after writing this, I ended up moving to Leeds. It wasn't just to avoid having to spend so much time on buses and trains but it could have been! The six months between writing this and moving I pretty much walked to work every day. 3 miles each way. I lived in Darlington for 11 months in total, and I never caught a bus once during my time there. I used to catch trains a lot but that was because I had to travel long distances, that were beyond walking, and I was off cycling at the time. I do occasionally catch buses now I live in Leeds, but it has to be for a minimum of 2 miles. And even then I feel I'm being lazy.
No comments:
Post a Comment