When I was younger one of my favourite quotations was from Mark Twain.
it went like this: 'When I was 14 my father was such an idiot that I could barely stand to have the man around, but by the time I was 21 I was amazed at what he'd learned in seven years'.
The height of my own genius was 18. Probably on the bus on the way back from having 3 months in Germany. Hey, I'd lived and worked abroad, mastered a new language, and now I'm off to University. What a genius.
I used to think that courage was a thing you needed to be able to do stuff. But I realised on that Germany trip that courage is not having the courage to do things, but doing them anyway. After 25 years I'd forgotten that but I've been remembering it recently, and I think that was what got me on a plane to India.
Another thing that happened to me when I was younger was that I used to play football, and in the long days of the summer holidays I used to play football all day. And sometimes early in the day I'd feel tired and my legs would feel heavy, but after a while I got beyond tired and I could just run and run. And sometimes I'd still be out after dark, although playing football at that time of night could be dangerous because you couldn't always see the ball until it smacked you in the face.
The reason I remembered feeling like that, is because that's pretty much how I felt when I was cycling on Thursday. For the first 30 miles or so I felt pretty weary and didn't think I'd be able to go the distance, but then I got into that magic place that's beyond tired, where your legs feel like they could go on for ever. And even when I got to the pub at 8.30 at night I felt like I could keep going.
This week I've been feeling pretty down, indecisive about my future and some of the time when I've been alone I've been a bit despondent. Worrying about what job to get, where to work, how to spend my free time, worrying about my home, and about my eyes. All the usual crap. But when I was out on my bike none of it mattered. It didn't matter where I lived, or whether I had a job, or what I was going to do in the future. Because I was out on my bike, and it was great. It was almost Spring, and my winter hibernation was nearly over. It was still cold, but inside the cold was the promise of better things to come.
And it was the same when I used to run around kicking a ball aged 14. Nothing else mattered. Not exams, not my crazy stepdad, not the kids who lived in my street who wanted to chase me because I went to a school where I wore a blazer. None of it.
That's what exercise with a purpose can do for you. Some people think kicking a football or riding a bike is pointless. What do they know?
So what happened to me for 25 years? Since I was a genius. I think for some of that time I lost my way. But I'm getting better again. I don't know as much now as I used to, but that's because I found out about a load of stuff I don't know. A bit like Donald Rumsfeld, I now know more about the stuff I know I don't know. I've still not caught up with the stuff I don't know I don't know, but I'm sure that'll come later.
In those 25 years what happened was that I did some stuff. I succeeded at some things, and I failed at some things, although often it's hard to tell the difference, because it's just a matter of perspective.
Judging by the standards of the outside world, I've been failing at a lot more stuff in the last few years. Especially getting jobs. Before 40 I'd hardly ever been turned down for anything. Now it happens to me almost every week. But filling in job applications is getting easier. Because I don't write what I think they want to hear anymore. I write what I want. I don't try to pretend I'm something I'm not, because I figure if they don't want me as I am, they probably wouldn't want me trying to be somebody else either. As John Vernon famously says in the film Airplane. I don't do impressions.
It's possible to get better at failing I think. And I think I am. Now I laugh when I get turned down for stuff, whether it's a job, or whether it's just a bowl of porridge. It doesn't work to take myself too seriously. And although I've had a meltdown in the last few months, I did find a couple of things out.
One is that you don't need courage to do things. You just have to do them. And the other is that getting out there and exercising, whether it's running around with a pointless football or riding a pointless bicycle, is the best way to help you feel better on the inside. Of course it helps that it's nearly Spring, although I'm not going to use my new found energy to do myself in, as some depressed people do. I'm going to get better.
it went like this: 'When I was 14 my father was such an idiot that I could barely stand to have the man around, but by the time I was 21 I was amazed at what he'd learned in seven years'.
The height of my own genius was 18. Probably on the bus on the way back from having 3 months in Germany. Hey, I'd lived and worked abroad, mastered a new language, and now I'm off to University. What a genius.
I used to think that courage was a thing you needed to be able to do stuff. But I realised on that Germany trip that courage is not having the courage to do things, but doing them anyway. After 25 years I'd forgotten that but I've been remembering it recently, and I think that was what got me on a plane to India.
Another thing that happened to me when I was younger was that I used to play football, and in the long days of the summer holidays I used to play football all day. And sometimes early in the day I'd feel tired and my legs would feel heavy, but after a while I got beyond tired and I could just run and run. And sometimes I'd still be out after dark, although playing football at that time of night could be dangerous because you couldn't always see the ball until it smacked you in the face.
The reason I remembered feeling like that, is because that's pretty much how I felt when I was cycling on Thursday. For the first 30 miles or so I felt pretty weary and didn't think I'd be able to go the distance, but then I got into that magic place that's beyond tired, where your legs feel like they could go on for ever. And even when I got to the pub at 8.30 at night I felt like I could keep going.
This week I've been feeling pretty down, indecisive about my future and some of the time when I've been alone I've been a bit despondent. Worrying about what job to get, where to work, how to spend my free time, worrying about my home, and about my eyes. All the usual crap. But when I was out on my bike none of it mattered. It didn't matter where I lived, or whether I had a job, or what I was going to do in the future. Because I was out on my bike, and it was great. It was almost Spring, and my winter hibernation was nearly over. It was still cold, but inside the cold was the promise of better things to come.
And it was the same when I used to run around kicking a ball aged 14. Nothing else mattered. Not exams, not my crazy stepdad, not the kids who lived in my street who wanted to chase me because I went to a school where I wore a blazer. None of it.
That's what exercise with a purpose can do for you. Some people think kicking a football or riding a bike is pointless. What do they know?
So what happened to me for 25 years? Since I was a genius. I think for some of that time I lost my way. But I'm getting better again. I don't know as much now as I used to, but that's because I found out about a load of stuff I don't know. A bit like Donald Rumsfeld, I now know more about the stuff I know I don't know. I've still not caught up with the stuff I don't know I don't know, but I'm sure that'll come later.
In those 25 years what happened was that I did some stuff. I succeeded at some things, and I failed at some things, although often it's hard to tell the difference, because it's just a matter of perspective.
Judging by the standards of the outside world, I've been failing at a lot more stuff in the last few years. Especially getting jobs. Before 40 I'd hardly ever been turned down for anything. Now it happens to me almost every week. But filling in job applications is getting easier. Because I don't write what I think they want to hear anymore. I write what I want. I don't try to pretend I'm something I'm not, because I figure if they don't want me as I am, they probably wouldn't want me trying to be somebody else either. As John Vernon famously says in the film Airplane. I don't do impressions.
It's possible to get better at failing I think. And I think I am. Now I laugh when I get turned down for stuff, whether it's a job, or whether it's just a bowl of porridge. It doesn't work to take myself too seriously. And although I've had a meltdown in the last few months, I did find a couple of things out.
One is that you don't need courage to do things. You just have to do them. And the other is that getting out there and exercising, whether it's running around with a pointless football or riding a pointless bicycle, is the best way to help you feel better on the inside. Of course it helps that it's nearly Spring, although I'm not going to use my new found energy to do myself in, as some depressed people do. I'm going to get better.
Just thought I'd let you know how funny I find your posts but thought provoking too. Using my sons account.
ReplyDeleteBrenda in the Boro