Sunday 29 January 2012

Fawlty Towers - Part Two - Manuel's Revenge

Another day of not having a clue what's going on.  Seen some monkeys and had a dip in the Ganges, but didn't feel any different afterwards.  Not sure I was doing it right though.  A couple of Indian guys were getting well stuck in, one had brought his own pot to pour it all over himself.  I was happy with just up to the ankles thank you.

After getting sick of riding yesterday, I was soon sick of walking again today.  Tried to walk into Rishikesh but was stopped every couple of minutes by autorickshaw drivers wanting us to hire them.  We walked over a nice bridge onto the other quieter bank of the Ganges, and tried to sit down and get a bit of peace, but some map selling guy wanted to offer us about 50 different things.  Each time we said no, he offered us something else.  He didn't realise we didn't want anything at all.  In the end, we had to go into the Ganges to shake him off.  We had a quick dip but didn't feel any miraculous transformation.  We were watching some Indians do it, and wondered what they were getting out of it.

After getting out of the Ganges a child showed us some drawings and we weren't sure if he was selling them or just showing off.  I sat down next to some monkeys fighting, took a few photos of them and felt slightly apprehensive about only having 1 out of 3 rabies shots.  Dean took some pictures of me next to the bridge and on reflection I look like one of the Men in Black.  A lot of the Westerners we've seen round here are dressed up in Indian style clothing.  I'm not sure for what purpose, but if I try to do that I'd look like a right idiot, so I'm happy to stick out like a sore thumb.  I don't even know what a kaftan is.

Dean needed to get some money out and we eventually found an ATM set back a little from the noisy street and next door there was a restaurant so we went in there for a late breakfast (it was about 1 pm).  We'd already had porridge and coffee but partly it was just to get behind some glass for a while.

It was another Fawlty Towers job.  Dean asked for a continental breakfast including coffee and I asked for porridge and coffee.  Dean wanted some jam, and he asked what flavours they did, and all they could tell us was that it had fruit in.  After a pause the waiter came back and told me there was no porridge.  He seemed really keen for both of us to have buttered toast and it may be that most of the menu was unavailable.  Dean was brought cornflakes with hot milk and buttered toast and no coffee and I got the buttered toast the guy really wanted me to have.  When I had started eating the toast he came back to ask me how the porridge was, which made both of us laugh, and helped me relax a bit into the day.  It reminded me of the bit of Dinnerladies where a shirty customer wants Tuna and they only have Tuna and Sweetcorn and Victoria Wood tells her customer.  'Look, you've ordered a meal, we've given you a meal, it's not a perfect meal, but it's not a perfect world, so just go sit down and deal with it'.

So we laughed a bit and gave the young lad a 30 rupee tip on a 170 rupee bill, which was still less than 3 quid and we went away feeling grateful for having had a meal, and for getting out of the noise for a bit.  We walked back up the hill partway and I felt less claustrophobic than on the way down, and we caught a rickshaw part of the way, in the company of a man who had a big barrel with him, which we joked might have been depleted Uranium, and we laughed at this place we're in which is supposed to be so full of peace and relaxation, but is actually so full of noise and tat.

Dean said he thinks that peace is where you find it, and often it's found in quiet and solitude and we might go for a ride up into the hills tomorrow, to see if we can find some there, because it's difficult finding any here.  There seems to be a 5 minute rule in India which says that after you've sat minding your own business for 5 minutes somebody has to come up to you and try and convert you or sell you some shit.

We've even seen guys in orange robes losing their rag today.  A monk on a moped gave us an angry stare for not getting out of his way and a guy with a topknot punched a cow for trying to steal his lunch.  They didn't look like they were being one with everything.  To be honest I don't want to be one with everything out here either.  Some of it is just plain nuts.

The most one with everything I've felt on this trip is for periods on the bike, where I felt like an organic part of the traffic and the roads and I was in the moment and in tune with everything around me.  Being a pedestrian has been a lot harder as it's often been a case of saying no to people or ignoring them altogether.  The maps this guy were offering us earlier looked like total crap anyway.

Anyway, we're off to do some yoga in about half an hour.  We'll probably be like the naughty kids at the back of the class at school who just laugh and don't know what's going on, but we thought we should give something a try since we've come to this supposed spiritual centre.

I'll let you know how it goes.


PS.  In true Indian fashion, the scheduled 5 pm yoga class had been cancelled.  We followed the direction signs for the yoga hall but a small Indian boy playing with some lego told us that it's only on in the mornings, and so to come back tomorrow.


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